Attack on Esthar!!
by dusty windsheared
Summary: There's an attack on Esthar!! What ever will Laguna do about it??! (kind of a sequel to the Quest for More Paper, but not really)


Just an idea I had. Nothing much else.  
  
Attack on Esthar!!  
  
By Dark Kremepuff  
  
It was a normal sunny Monday when Laguna Loire, president of Esthar, happened to glance out of the picture window in his office to see a giant chicken parading through Esthar.  
  
The chicken was huge, white, and tasty looking. However, Laguna couldn't help but notice that this particular chicken was destroying buildings and eating people. He jumped out of his chair, screamed like a schoolgirl, and hollered for Kiros and Ward to come in and advise him.  
  
"OhmygodKirosWarddidyouseethechickenit'shugeanddangerouslookingandwhatareweg onnadoooooo??" he cried.  
  
Kiros looked out the window in slight disbelief. All of a sudden, Laguna was standing by his side, slamming a fist down on his hand in revelation.  
  
"Yes! Here's the battle plan..." Laguna gestured them all into a huddle. He began whispering enthusiastically. "One of us dresses up like a giant kernel of corn and lures the chicken away from Esthar."  
  
There was an excruciatingly long silence.  
  
"And," Kiros said, "then what?"  
  
Laguna gave his advisor a crazy look of complete and utter confusion. "What do you mean?? It's a perfect plan! Let's go!" Laguna motioned for the door.  
  
Kiros sighed. "What about when the person comes back, Laguna? That will lure the chicken back, too." He pointed outside to where the chicken was scratching up trees and screaming children in Not-so-central Park.  
  
"They won't come back," stated Laguna matter-of-factly, "until the giant chicken has died from the exhaustion of chasing a giant moving kernel of corn around the world."  
  
This raised another interesting question. "Won't the person die first?" Ward, feeling left out, scribbled this on a piece of paper and handed it to Laguna.  
  
"Geez, what are you? Stupid?? Not if they're in a CAR!"  
  
So the three men sat and argued about why Laguna's plan wouldn't work while the chicken leveled Esthar, devouring its loyal citizens like a chicken eating cracked corn.  
  
"Look!" Kiros pointed outside in frustration. "That chicken it devouring your loyal citizens like cracked corn! Those people are counting on you to save them!!"  
  
Laguna shouted back, his eyes squinched shut with emotion. "And that's what I'm TRYING to do, but you don't think my plan is good enough!!!"  
  
~Several minutes later.~  
  
"I can't believe we're doing this." Kiros muttered, cradling his head in his hand. Ward patted his shoulder sympathetically. Laguna was grinning.  
  
"Well, since Kiros was good at track when he was in high school, he gets to be the corn. Here's what we'll do," he said, spreading a map out on his desk. Kiros waddled over in his giant, garish kernel-of-corn suit. Everyone leaned over the map. Laguna pointed to an "x" he had marked on the outskirts of Esthar. "Kiros, when you get HERE," he pointed importantly with his finger, "you will get into the car that is parked there waiting for you. Ward will drive while you stand up in the back seat and wave your arms all around to keep the chicken's attention."  
  
Kiros sighed like he couldn't believe what he was doing. "I can't BELIEVE this." he grumbled. Laguna glared at him, and continued explaining.  
  
"When that car runs out of gas, we'll have the Ragnarok pick you up."  
  
"That won't WORK!" Kiros pointed out in elation. "The chicken won't be able to see me if I'm inside the ship!" He was smug with pride of seeing through Laguna's holey-as-swiss-cheese plan. The president would DEFINITELY give up now!  
  
"No, no, that's why you'll be strapped to the hull of the ship. On the outside."  
  
Kiros gaped at Laguna, his pride and smugness draining away. Laguna held up a model made out of paper and cardboard. "See, this is the Ragnarok." He pointed to a kernel of corn taped to one of the rear wing/fin-things. "And this is you!" Laguna smiled.  
  
"I'm not doing this!" Kiros cried in disbelief.  
  
There was a loud ZZZZZZZAP! and a pained BUCKAW!, and the three men looked out the window.  
  
The giant chicken had succeeded in getting itself tangled up in power lines and was now no longer terrorizing the city. In fact, it was smoldering and delicious. A smell of baked chicken covered the whole of Esthar. While the Laguna and Ward watched citizens tentatively poking their heads out of their houses and sniffing the air, Kiros broke down and wept with joy.  
  
Laguna spun around and gave a victory sign. "I declare today National Baked Chicken day!" Then he looked at Kiros. "I told you my plan would work. Now, where's my apron?" The president of Esthar wandered off to find his BBQing apron and to give a live statement authorizing the new holiday, which was basically just a graduated form of Thanksgiving.  
  
The people ate the giant chicken and lived happily ever after. And they had ice cream for dessert. ^_^  
  
END! 


End file.
